Searching for a date can be as simple as turning on your computer, but if you are not careful, you could end up with your heart broken or something far, far worse. You have to be safe in any dating situation, but online dating opens up more of the world to you, exposing you to a wider group of people. The more people that you meet, the bigger the odds that you will run into a bad apple or two in the barrel. You simply cannot go off uninformed. It’s a big, bad world out there and the Internet brings it right into your own home.

First things first; know who you are talking to. Meeting someone in a public chat room for a computer conversation is one thing. Meeting that person in real life is something entirely different. If you feel that this might be the one for you, proceed with extreme caution. Never give a stranger your full name, or your home address. Give only your cell phone number if you are giving numbers at this point at all. Do not get drawn or bullied into the “quiet night at home” idea for a first date. If that is the only acceptable idea for him, stop talking to him and block him from further contact.

Make sure that at least one person know that you are going out, where you will be going and when to expect you home. Make sure that you have your cell phone with you and check in with your friends often. Give them as much information as you can about your date. Tell your date up front that you need to touch base with your friends because they are worried about you. If he is a decent human, he will understand, if not, you might consider ending the date right there and then.

A better and usually safer option to prowling the chat rooms are the dating sites. There are countless sites available, some better than others. Look around and check out the features before you sign up. There are a few dating sites where membership and all of its benefits are free to women, so research can save you quite a bit of money. Once you have joined and found your matches, remember, the same rules of safety still apply.

Some people are uncomfortable with a Google search of their dates, some will not even consider a date without one. Either way it is always best to know at least a little bit about your date. Always know the warning signs and have an escape planned if the date goes sour. I know a girl that has a code word for truly awful dates. She calls her friend and pretends to be talking to an answering service. She then announces that she has an emergency and that she must go. For this reason, and for added safety, do not get into a car with someone that you have just met. Take separate cars even if the date is going well and you decide to continue onto a second location. Tell him that you will follow him and do not take no for an answer. A well mannered man will not want you to be uncomfortable, nor will he want to allow you to put yourself in a potentially unsafe situation. Know your dates or keep it public. Be safe or stay home. Period.

Lucky stud! You are dating a younger woman! Your family probably wants to have you committed and your friends want to do you bodily harm. You are the envy of everyone around you and there are times when you catch our reflection in the mirror and cannot believe that great big old smile is actually on your face. Dating a younger woman can be a very rewarding thing, if you know a few things upfront.

If you are an open minded kind of guy, dating a younger woman can show you a whole new world. Let her show you the music that makes her happy, you might actually like it. Check out the pop culture icons of her generation. Do not be too upset if she says that she has not heard of any of yours. Hopefully she will be as open minded and allow you to show her a taste of your world too.

You must also keep in mind that the bigger the age gap, the bigger the gap in life experiences. If it is only a few years we are talking about, then it might only be a few minor things, but the more years that separate you, the more gaps there will be. Trying to relate to someone the same age as your children without treating them like a child themselves is a dance done on a very fine line.

Younger women for the most part are very health conscious and will more than likely want to try to change your eating and exercise habits. If you met your younger lover at the gym, do not expect her to be happy sitting on the couch night after night eating chips and drinking soda. Her youth is important to her, and she will try to stretch it out for as many years as possible. If she truly does like you, she will more than likely decide that she wants to keep you around for a long time as well. That means new diet and exercise routines for you; you owe it to yourself to at least give her advice a try. If you want to keep up with your young lover, you have to start taking better care of yourself, right?

While it is true that the age difference will mean that there are a lot of things that you do not have in common, you might be surprised at the things you do have. For instance, since women mature faster than men do, the younger woman might have reached an age where she is ready to settle down, where her peers are not. As an older man, you have probably done your own wild oat sowing and are ready as well. Of course, if you are an older man just out of a long term relationship, you might not be looking to start anything serious just now. Make sure that you keep the line of communication open on this so that there are no hurt feelings.

Finally, remember this: age is simply a number. If you do not like vapid women the same age as you, you certainly will not like vapid women twenty years younger, no matter how perky her bum. If you look, feel and act fifty years old, you are not going to be happy with a woman that is the epitome of twenty. Chemistry does not take numbers into account, so look for a connection before checking for age.

Your marriage is over. After giving yourself time to heal and to recover, it is time to move on and resume dating. But, what is the best way to go about it? There are different methods for different situations, and no one thing will work universally, but there are some general tips.

If there are children involved, make sure that they are okay with the whole divorce situation before changing anything else. Be aware that dating is a learning process, so proceed with caution before introducing dates to your children. Do not allow an ever changing parade of faces to come and go from your children’s lives. They have had enough upheaval already. Wait until  you yourself have gotten a bit more serious with someone before bringing the kids into it. On the other hand, do not ever hide the fact that you have children.

A divorce does more than change the family dynamic. Your relationship with friends will have changed as well. Though they will all deny it, your friends have all drawn battle lines before, during and after the marriage ended. No matter who has remained friends with you, the relationship itself will have changed. Maybe that single friend you have always admired can be something more now that you are single too. Feel uncomfortable with that idea? Then maybe he has other single friends he can introduce you to.

Questioning yourself and your attractiveness is normal after a divorce. Your husband no longer wants you after all, and you might allow yourself to think that no one else will either. Part of the healing process is knowing that your work as a human is not judged by the state of your marriage or the opinion of one man. Things did not work out with a single individual, not the whole gender.

The hardest part of dating after divorce, or of dating in general for that matter, is the first date. One you have made it through that very first date without a lot of emotional scars, the you will know you are on the road to recovery.

Sign up for a class at the community college and get out there meeting people. Before you know it, you will have a whole new circle of friends and potential dates. Get out there and start living your life again. Even if you do have children, you deserve some adult time with adult people. Get a new hair cut or a cute new outfit to signal your rebirth back into the world. Smile as much as you can, even if you have to fake it at first. Soon, those fake smiles will turn into the real thing and you will catch the eye of a nice man. Take it slowly, and realize that dating, especially after a divorce is about learning and growing. There will be failures. You might get your heart bruised, maybe even broken a time or two before you get it right. But one lesson that your divorce should have taught you is this: you are far stronger than you ever thought possible and you will get through this too, better, stronger and wiser on the other side.

Oh girl! You are dating a younger man! You know what that makes you right? Okay, besides lucky. The term is cougar, honey! Now that you have landed that younger man, you might want to keep a few words of friendly advice in mind.
First know this:  every catty comment hissed at you by your friends and coworkers is nothing more than the bitter taste of jealousy. They eat their heart out every time that young man comes to your office. Your neighbors crowd around doors and peepholes when he comes to your home to pick you up. They are wildly mad with jealousy, it practically kills them. Ignore them, the poor dears.

Know that younger men are actually more open to learning new things both in and out of bed. Older men have the notion that they already know everything about pleasing a woman and will bristle at any suggestion to the contrary. Younger men not only want you to teach them how best to please you, they are enthusiastic students. Very enthusiastic students!

Not only are they willing to learn what pleases a woman, they also want to know a few social lessons as well. They want to learn from your experiences; they want to learn about grace and good manners in both business and social situations. They are just starting to build their career, but the young man is usually not insecure about your own successes. In fact, they are usually quite supportive and proud of all that you have done.

Dating a younger man is going to mean that you are going to stay active. Not only will you feel that you must keep everything as toned and taut as possible for your man, he will want you to come along with him on active pursuits. Most younger men do not want a sideline girlfriend, they want someone who will actually come along and participate in whatever comes along.
Younger men are pretty flexible about clothing, so do not go overboard trying to wear the latest trends. There is a point in a woman’s life where she must realize that able to wear something is not the same as should be wearing it. Simply fitting into something does not mean it is attractive on you. Think about it, when was the last time you saw an older woman who actually looked great in a miniskirt? Okay, besides Tina Turner. No one is saying start wearing granny gear, but shopping in the junior miss when you are well past that age group is a no-no.

Speaking of no-no’s: do not use the term “boy toy” in reference to the younger man you are dating. Do not allow others to use the term either. It is degrading and minimizes any sense of real feeling that you might have for each other. Allowing others to use the term says that you have no real respect for your guy. Using the term yourself says the same thing, as well as saying that you view him as an object, no an equal partner. Even if you say it in a playful, teasing manner, the message is sent and read loud and clear.

There is nothing harder than the end of a relationship. Nothing that is except resuming the dating life after a separation. Your friends will try to get you out on that first date too soon, and unless your family truly hated your spouse, will try to make you wait far too long. That first date is a killer, I know, but it must be done. There are just a few things to keep in mind before heading back out in the dating world.

First, make sure that you are moving at your own pace. No one expects you to walk out of a long term relationship without some emotional scars. Dating after a separation has to be about healing and that takes time. Let yourself mope and cry if that is what you need to do. Only you can decide when you are ready to move on.

Now, here is a tip that might make you think I have lost my mind, but bear with me, I do have a point. Do not turn down dates when you finally do get back out in the world. No, I do not advocate dinner and movies with any Joe Schmo that asks you to go, but going out to coffee is good practice. Yes, practice. Get out there and learn what you like and do not like, personality wise. Once you figure out what items are on the positive check list, you can go out and start looking for them!
Don’t try to find a replacement for your ex. That relationship failed for a reason, you know. Going on a lot of dates will also open your eyes to the veritable buffet of available singles out there, and the more dates that you do go on, the more likely you will see that you do not have to settle for less than the very best. Maybe you thought that you preferred athletes until you dated that football player with the odor issue. Lesson learned, right?

The more dates that you go on, especially after separation, the more confidence you will gain. That in turn will make you a happier, more well adjusted person. Once you are happy with you, the chances increase that you will finally meet Mr. Right. Until that day, it’s Mr. Right Now or home alone every Saturday night, it’s your choice. But think about this: do you really want to sit there eating cheese doodles and watching Lifetime movies every weekend while your ex is out partying and living the high life? Do you really want to pick up the Sunday paper and see his face smiling back at you from his engagement announcement photo? Really? Of course you don’t!

The timetable is different for everybody; some people’s hearts heal faster than others. One thing is true for everybody though; dating after a separation is hard. There will be bad dates where you come home and fling yourself on your bed and sob, thinking that you will never love again. Then there will be the good dates where you come home, your lips still quivering from that perfect good night kiss and sigh, thinking that maybe, just maybe there are some good guys out there after all.

Isn’t it funny that if you walked into a group of women and asked to describe their dream guy the answers would differ wildly? It’s true. There is not universal “dream guy,” and what’s more give those same women ten years and the answer might just be different again. Dreams change and evolve, so does taste and knowledge; accept those facts and you will be much happier.

First things first, ignore your friend that is drooling over the exotic dancer over there. He is either gay or an actor working on his first big break, (read: unemployed), maybe even both. Now, ignore your mother with her “only marry a doctor or lawyer” lines. Young doctors work hideous and long hours, and you know what the issue is with lawyers. You have heard all the lawyer jokes right? Now, the advice you just got from me? Ignore it too. Yes, you heard me, ignore my first piece of advice. That is the key word for you to focus on, your mantra: ignore.

Your friends and family want you to be happy, but they have preconceived notions about what your happiness is going to look like. You have to make that choice for yourself. If you are a wild and crazy, living on the edge kind of girl, then a traditional marriage with a buttoned up kind of guy is not going to be your ideal, is it? The dream guy must fit the dream life and letting someone else write the script is just sad and wrong. Plus it almost never works out in the end.

If you know your own personality, your likes and dislikes and your goals for the future, then you more that likely will know the basic type of dream guy to be in it. Don’t get hung up on that one type though, you might be missing out on more than just a new man, you might be missing out on the love of a lifetime.
Yes, I once had a dream in mind. I would marry the blonde boy down the road and together we would make beautiful blonde babies. That did not happen. The boy met someone else and had the angelic blondes while I moved to another state. The dream changed and so too did the dream guy. I accepted the change and thankfully, found out that you do not base a life decision on hair color, or any potential changes he may bring into your future.

Start your search for the dream guy by taking a good hard look at the men you are dating or friends with now. Are any of them even near to dream guy status? Have you had a serious change of opinion about any of them in recent months? Have you suddenly started looking at your best guy friend in a whole new way lately? Your dream guy is not some buff, glossy haired stud all the time. Sometimes he is the short, funny guy that show up for your first date with flowers and always asks if your hands are warm enough. You never saw yourself falling in love with him, but now you cannot stop thinking about him. The dream changed and so too did the dream guy. Lucky you, sounds like you found him.

There is nothing harder than the end of a relationship. Nothing that is except resuming the dating life after a separation. Your friends will try to get you out on that first date too soon, and unless your family truly hated your spouse, will try to make you wait far too long. That first date is a killer, I know, but it must be done. There are just a few things to keep in mind before heading back out in the dating world.

First, make sure that you are moving at your own pace. No one expects you to walk out of a long term relationship without some emotional scars. Dating after a separation has to be about healing and that takes time. Let yourself mope and cry if that is what you need to do. Only you can decide when you are ready to move on.        

Now, here is a tip that might make you think I have lost my mind, but bear with me, I do have a point. Do not turn down dates when you finally do get back out in the world. No, I do not advocate dinner and movies with any Joe Schmo that asks you to go, but going out to coffee is good practice. Yes, practice. Get out there and learn what you like and do not like, personality wise. Once you figure out what items are on the positive check list, you can go out and start looking for them!
Don’t try to find a replacement for your ex. That relationship failed for a reason, you know. Going on a lot of dates will also open your eyes to the veritable buffet of available singles out there, and the more dates that you do go on, the more likely you will see that you do not have to settle for less than the very best. Maybe you thought that you preferred athletes until you dated that football player with the odor issue. Lesson learned, right?

The more dates that you go on, especially after separation, the more confidence you will gain. That in turn will make you a happier, more well adjusted person. Once you are happy with you, the chances increase that you will finally meet Mr. Right. Until that day, it’s Mr. Right Now or home alone every Saturday night, it’s your choice. But think about this: do you really want to sit there eating cheese doodles and watching Lifetime movies every weekend while your ex is out partying and living the high life? Do you really want to pick up the Sunday paper and see his face smiling back at you from his engagement announcement photo? Really? Of course you don’t!

The timetable is different for everybody; some people’s hearts heal faster than others. One thing is true for everybody though; dating after a separation is hard. There will be bad dates where you come home and fling yourself on your bed and sob, thinking that you will never love again. Then there will be the good dates where you come home, your lips still quivering from that perfect good night kiss and sigh, thinking that maybe, just maybe there are some good guys out there after all.

Growing older does not mean sitting in a rocker surrounded by cats any longer. Better health care and habits means that people are leading longer and longer lives. Our sexual appetite may change over the years, but it does not usually disappear completely. Men have medications available to help with performance issues; now they must find a partner to share with.
Seniors who are alone are more likely to suffer from heath and mental disorders, according to countless studies. It is in everyone’s best interest to encourage them to get out and meet people. Finding that special feeling is the greatest feeling in the world no matter what our age, so try not to hamper your older loved one’s dating attempts.      

As a family member, it is hard to see Dad or Mom going out on that first date. It feels like a betrayal of your other parent, and while that is not necessarily true, it is a normal reaction. Of course you are going to feel that way and it is even worse if they are single because of a late in life divorce. You must realize that these seniors grew up in an era where most people did not remain single by choice, and that no matter what their age, they do get lonely too. Don’t be selfish; Mom and Dad deserve some happiness in their golden years too.

If you are a senior looking for a date, then start with the local senior citizen groups. Most communities, large and small have them and they are a great place to connect with people of your own age. If you have the means to travel, sign up for the senior excursions. Not only do you get a nice trip, you get to meet countless other seniors and possibly your special someone.

Active seniors have less arthritic flare pus and may stave off the effects of some dementia related disorders, so check out your local gym or health center. See if they offer senior groups and try out a few until you find one that you really enjoy. You will improve both your health and your social prospects in one shot. And besides, where else do you get to ogle a pool full of nicely ripened ladies? Remember , the older you are, the more likely you will find that your habits and tastes are set in stone. Of course, if you keep an open mind, you mind something new that you would have never thought of before.
One last thing: do not get tied to the notion that you are going to wisk your pretty, young nurse off her feet if you are a lower income senior. That only works in rare cases and in the movies. Besides, do your really want to date someone that you do not have any common ground with? Or that could very well kill you on your first night together? Stick to your own age group and you will be more likely to find your true love. But, no matter what your age group, remember to practice safe sex. Times have changed, and it is imperative  that you use a condom, every time.

All night long you have stared at your date’s lips, practically drooling over the thought of that first kiss. Are her lips as sweet as they look? Will you melt at the softness of his? Will sparks fly and music blare like in the movies? Should you try for  a little bit of tongue or not? Oh my God, does my breath smell like the garlic Alfredo?

There is nothing like that first kiss, especially when two people really like each other. That feeling of perfect chemistry that has you laughing and talking no stop without a single hint of awkwardness is like nothing else. But, that lingering doubt about the first kiss can really bother some people. They worry that it will be too soon, or it will be sadly lacking in style, substance or technique. Trust me, if a girl likes you enough, she will forgive virtually any first kiss faux pas.       

If it is a fairly certain thing that you are going to get that first kiss, then try not to focus on it so much. Tension anywhere in your body will be in your lips as well, and no one likes a tight lipped kisser. Relax. You like kissing, remember? Consider the timing, the setting and the date itself and let those be your cues on how to proceed.

If you have just walked out of a very nice restaurant and she suggests a waterfront walk, then wait for the perfect dramatic moment and then kiss her. Don’t be over the top, but do go for a little flair on this one. Make is a special moment for her and you just might win her heart with a single kiss. Take her hand as you stroll and pick your target spot somewhere in the distance. Use the time before getting there to calm yourself down if you can. Turn her to face you and look at her for a moment or two. Stare into her eyes, then allow your gaze to trail down to her lips. Did you see that? Her lips were quivering just then, anticipating your kiss. Move in, slowly, slowly. Slide your hands up her arms, feeling her skin ripple with little goose bumps as you go. As your lips descend upon hers, gently slide your hands up to the side of her face, letting your thumbs stroke her cheeks as you take her breath away.

But, what if you are a woman that is just tired of waiting for your shy guy to make that first move? Simple. Make the move for him, there is nothing wrong with that. I made the first move with my boyfriend, not because I was worried that he would not, but because he was not making it fast enough for me. We were sitting in the car, I turned to him and gently said, “hey” then leaned in for a soft kiss. I pulled back, smiled at him and we have been together ever since.

What exactly is your idea of a dream girl? Are you thinking leggy blonde, with a red sports car and money to burn? Wake up! If your dream girl is more the girl next door type, you might actually have a chance of finding her. Face it, the only one meeting the leggy blondes are rock stars and fashion photographers. Set your dreams a little more toward the realistic and you just might get everything that you ever wanted.

Girl next door

If you know what you want, then you will know where to start looking. Just looking for a wild, one night throw down? Your dream girl might be found in the local bar then. Looking for something more serious? You might consider not looking for love in among the drunken and the desperate.

Start your search by sharing what you are looking for with your friends. Wild animals hunt in packs, so why not the human male? The more people you have on the search, the more likely you will turn up a strong candidate or two. The more options, the better the odds are that you will have some success.

Understand that the concept of a dream girl is a malleable one. What you think of as perfect can prove herself vapid and shallow in the blink of a false eyelash. Once your heart gets involved, that girl you have been kind of seeing can suddenly be bumped up to dream girl status. Don’t get hung up on what society declares ideal, you never know who you will click with  once you are face to face.

So, where do you find your dream girl? She could be anywhere, really. She could be the perky blonde passing you in the hallway at work. She could be the smoldering brunette that washes her clothes in your apartment’s laundry room every Thursday night. She might even be the fiery red head that serves you your morning latte. Women are all around you and one of them might very well be your dream girl. You simply have to start talking to them and decide which ones to take out on a date for further consideration.

Remember too, that the dream itself might change when you do find the dream girl. You might have told everybody that you will remain single forever, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Then you meet “her” and everything changes. You start thinking about marriage and having visions of forever. The girl and the dream have changed and you could not be happier. Just think, if you had stayed mule headed about ti, you would have missed out on the opportunity to find this dream girl and the life she has brought with her.

So, smile at the perky blonde or the hot brunette; she just might be your dream girl in hiding. It’s up to you to find her and blow her cover.